Last night, my husband was out of town, and I did something I don't think I haver ever done before. I ordered a pizza to be delivered. And I was home alone. And we all know, you can't really get a "slice" of pizza Delivered. So, I ordered a WHOLE pizza. And did I mention, I was home ALONE. Of course I added a "side salad" so that I wouldn't look like such a junkfood overeater to the girl i was giving my order to!
Then, as I waited for the pizza, I had all of these old ways of thinking that have been ingrained into my head as a child. I started to scold myself for the amount of food I ordered. I felt like I needed to call my mother and say OK OK, YES, I understand i am exceeding my carb limits and probably every other limit out there as well for the day! Then I had to have an arguement with myself as to how I must have lost total self control if I needed to have this pizza.
So, a simple pizza becomes an internal struggle for me. And don't you just know, at some point in the thought process I would have to scold myself for being so selfish as to eat such a frivolous meal and such a frivolous time knowing that my T1 sister couldn't.
I can see my mother standing above me saying "B, you are just eating carbs for dinner?" Last I checked i am 44 and can eat what I want!
I will say though, when the warm, cheesey pizza was finally delivered, it was worth all my self criticism, cause now I know that I come by them honestly.
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